Radiating 'Specialness' to Attract Men

Hi Terry,

I love reading your somewhat daily e-mails and respect your opinion and advice. However, I recently located to a new city and state and have no idea what and where the hot spots are. Therefore, I am tempted to explore on-line dating. Do you have an opinion or any advice on creating profiles that radiate specialness and good qualities? Thanks. -A.

Hi, A.-

Internet dating is a great way to meet new people, but before you do anything, it's imperative that you know what kind of man you hope to meet before you sign up for any service.

This means sitting down and asking yourself, "What qualities does a man need for me to be a) attracted to him (very important) and b) joyful and happy in a relationship?"

A recently divorced woman did just this, perused the Internet profiles for a while, and ended up being introduced to a guy who met the most important specifications she came up with before she even joined a service. They're dating very happily, and things are looking very good for this relationship!

Does this mean you'll write a list, and Prince Charming will pop out of thin air? No, but it does mean you'll be much more likely to recognize him when he does show up. (And, because you're conditioning your subconscious to believe this man exists and is part of your life, it means he's MUCH more likely to show up.)

Writing a list worked for this woman, and it worked for me and countless others.

After you've written the list of qualities HE should have, write a list of YOUR very best qualities. Are you attractive? Well, so is just about everybody else writing a profile (or so they claim). Are you kind? Honest? Funny?

Okay, now we're getting somewhere. Are you athletic or bookish (or both?) Be specific about what you're looking for, as well:

"Kind-hearted, attractive woman who loves laughing, white-water rafting, and good wine seeks honest, fun-loving man for adventure and possible LTR."

And, remember, just because you're in a new state doesn't mean you won't meet a great guy at the dry cleaner's, the supermarket, or the post office. If your new town has a popular coffee house, become a regular there (our local cafe features a free jazz night, and it's hugely popular with people of all ages).

But, before you leave the house, do write that list. It can make the difference between success and failure in meeting Mr. Right!

The Wonders of Old Friends (and What They Can Do for Your Love Life)

"Without friends no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods."
- Aristotle

A few months ago, I met an unhappily married woman with four children, who said, "Friends? I don't have time for friends."

And I thought to myself, "Honey, if anybody needs a friend, it's you."

The husband is one of those characters who doesn't always come home. He thinks it's his prerogative to do what he wants when he wants because he's king of the castle, man of the house, head of the household, and a lot of other nonsense that has no place in a happy marriage.

But anyway...

She doesn't have time for friends. I wonder if she was one of those girls who was raised to bag a man at all costs, and to shuck the female friends once she succeeded in her life's mission.

Fortunately, I wasn't raised that way. Last weekend, Peter and I drove to a neighboring state to hang out with the friend I met over a tomato sandwich in Third Grade (I'd forgotten my lunch, so Sr. Maurice assigned her to keep me company while she made me a sandwich in the convent kitchen). Two of our other friends showed up, as well, one from grammar school and the other from high school.

It gives me peace and joy to know that these people who know and love me to my core -- who've seen me through the goofy times, the sad times, and the embarrassing times--are still with me.

I'm not letting go.

You may not know this, but I met Peter through another old friend I decided to call out of the blue (I'd been visualizing that perfect man, and the Law of Attraction kicked in). Yeah, I did meet him in a bar, but I was out that night with this old friend of mine. And the old friend knew him and provided valuable insight into his character. If you've been with me for a while, you know I'd given up dating until I attracted someone worth dating.

Now, here's an important point: I didn't call the friend to keep me company while I found a man. I don't believe in making people a means to an end. I missed her and wanted to hang out with her, and the fact that I found the right guy in the process was a beautiful side effect.

A couple of weeks ago, I got an email from a friend from college. She graduated ahead of me, and I haven't seen her since. We've been writing back and forth and made plans to get together this summer.

Our renewed acquaintance will definitely lead to new experiences. It will open a universe of new possibilities. I'm eager to see what they'll be.

No doubt you've had friends who are no longer your friends for a reason (I'm talking about the ones who only called you to whine, who told embarrassing stories from your past to strangers, and who sucked the air out of every room they entered). I don't recommend you catch up with them.

But most of us has a good friend from the past we've lost touch with. Why not get in touch? It's very possible you'll open yourself up to new opportunities and, better yet, new friends who may introduce you to -- or may even be -- the person you spend the rest of your life with.

(Photo credit: Richard H. Stone, photographer of the Dog Captions greeting card line, which benefits animal programs. Check it out at http://www.dogcaptions.com.)