Come On, Rihanna -- Just Walk Away!

"If a man hits you once, he will hit you again."
-Oprah Winfrey

Oprah's right about this, of course. My husband is right, too. He tells my daughters, "If a man hits you, he doesn't love you. He hates you."

And now Rihanna, a pretty, talented, once-hugely successful pop star, has -- according to reports -- resumed her relationship with the jackass who allegedly bashed her face in.

I'm praying that Rihanna walks away from this guy, that she asks herself where she wants to be five years from now. Maybe she'd like to still be on the top of the charts, making tons of money through endorsement deals, and in a happy relationship with a fun and gentle man who thrills her and doesn't receive lengthy text messages from other women.

It sure beats losing the respect of her fans (not because she was victimized but because she returned to her abuser), losing endorsement deals, and dodging the blows of a so-called boyfriend who thinks he can do anything he damn well pleases.

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She's Right. There is Something Very Wrong With Him

Dear Terry-

I have been dating this guy for 3 months, and maybe it's my imagination, but I think there is something wrong with him.

This began a 2 weeks after we started seeing each other. He started criticizng the kind of music I listened to and told me what to listen to, and I listened to him (big mistake!).

Then he told me how to wear my hair. One time he even made me take out the braids I did just for his birthday. I was deeply hurt! He started acting obsessive, calling me 10 times a day, telling me that if I left him he would kill himself, and that was only one month into the relationship. When I didn't answer my phone calls, he would be very angry at me, and if I didn't even answer my cell phone fast enough, he would also be angry.

I love the theatre, and he works at a theatre (the one that I go to every weekend), and that is where we met. I am a very friendly person, and I talk to everyone, but he does not like it when I talk to people. One time he pulled me by the arm and told me never to speak to a friend of mine he works with because he does not like him.

He even told me to start going to the gym and called me fat. I was very upset about it, and he did not understand why I was. It was very upsetting. I recently sent him a message (3 days ago), telling him that I needed space, and he called me the next day and pretended like he did not get it.

I hung up on him, and now he is calling my friend asking her for my physical address. I don't know what to do. I am scared. Please help me!!

-Scared

Dear Scared-

Hello-

It is not your imagination. There is something very wrong with this guy.

The behavior you describe is typical of an abuser. Do not allow your friend to give this individual your address.

In the meantime, Looking For My Sister lists a number of warning signs that will confirm that your instincts are on the mark. Click here to read them. The National Domestic Violence website is another excellent source of information. Click here.

Please contact your local domestic violence hotline for guidance immediately. (I found this resource for South Africa. I hope it helps.)

Keeping you in my thoughts,
Terry